


Blackhill

by chickennuggetmoney



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29802366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickennuggetmoney/pseuds/chickennuggetmoney
Summary: Eh it's a tiny little work, et sort of hallway through my shuri fit when people make a certain discovery...
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

‘Commander Hill’

‘No’

‘But I haven’t’

‘no’

Maria Hill wheeled around to face the eager and annoying young agent, sizing him up. She sighed. 

‘No you cannot jump on Romanoff’s case no matter how cool it may be. No the AC will not be fixed until mr fury calls the mechanic and no. I do not know your name. we’ll call you…’ 

she scrutinized him up and down, taking in his untucked shirt and badly tied tie. 

‘scruffy. Now straighten your tie. You’re an agent not an ageing accountant with…egg. On his tie. Change your tie now scruffy’

The agent turned on his heels and hurried away. Maria straightened her gun holster and marched off up to the MedBay. 

‘Romanoff’ she sighed, and the harried nurse looked down their clipboard and pointed her over to a bed containing a small figure with firey hair’

‘HEY HILL yOu’Re HeRe’ shouted Romanoff, clearly off her face on morphine. 

‘What did you do this time’

‘eh nothing just a few light impalements but my agent made me come up here…….ANYWAY’ she groaned, ignoring the exasperated sigh and head shake of Hill. 

‘We should get married’ she hissed in an audible whisper. Hill rolled her eyes

‘Already did that kroshka’ she laughed

‘oh damnit’ whined romanoof, rolling over in bed, but rolling back almost immediately and grabbing Hill, bringing her face down to an inch away from her own

‘WE SHOULD GET A CAT’ she said seriously. 

Hill raised an eyebrow

‘sorry, got one already – has the soul of the devil’ she mused. Natasha groaned loudly

‘errrmmmm uggghhhhh I can’t think of anything else. No. Wait. OH MY GOD. We should have a baby’ she hissed, her eyes wide with drugs.  
‘Well I have good news on that score kroshka…’ Hill whispered, taking Romanoff’s hand and holding it against her belly. 

Romanoff promptly screamed loudly and Hill laughed, walking out and hissing to the nurse as she left

‘Page me when she’s sober – she’ll never remember this’.


	2. Pub Quiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Competitiveness and ignorance at its finest

‘I will smash you so hard that your ribs invert and you drown in your own blood’ growled Romanoff, face to face with Tony Stark. Who looked mildy petrified and was certainly about to crap his pants if Romanoff didn’t lay off him. 

Pepper and maria pulled their partners away, and the slightly concerned look bartender called out

‘okaayyy we will be starting now, Team 1, Captain tony Stark, team name……the glitter boys…ready?’

A whoop came from the table next to Romanoff and Hill, Clint, Tony, Bruce, Peter and Henri shouting and pumping fists. Romanoff rolled her eyes. 

Pathetic

‘wow. Ok – team two, Captain Natasha Romanoff, team name…..We will we will crush you…wow you lot are taking this seriously’ muttered the bartender

‘are you ready’. Nat whooped too…rather aggressively, and team one shrank back. She settled back into her chair smugly

‘we’re ready’

‘Then let’s get started…Question one: the Capital of Peru…?’

Nat looked back, a small amount of terror and looked over at Maria

‘Have I ever told you that you are the most awesome..’ 

Hill rolled her eyes, snatched the clipboard and started scribbling, throwing it back at Romanoff as soon as she was done

‘Everyone done…? okaaayy…question 2, What does the Latin phrase ad astra per aspera roughly translate to?’

Romanoff looked at Hill, who avoided her gaze and silently held out her hand for the clipboard. Romanoff sighed and handed it over to her increasingly smug and exasperated wife.


	3. nombre 3 - Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angry post its

‘so try not to get stabbed…or shot, or impaled, or injured in any way, also try not to kill barton or anyone on your side, try and sleep at some point, ditto eating…drinking…basic hygiene etc….and just..you know don’t die’ 

Reeled off Maria, throwing a kitbag at Nat as she rolled her eyes

‘so many rules wifey’

‘They’re there for a reason kroshka. Don’t you dare die on me’

‘fine. Killjoy’ called nat as she boarded the Helicarrier

She crashed down next to Barton, opening the bag. It was full of supplies, a lunchbox saying

‘I EXPECT YOU TO EAT THIS’ was written on a post-it stuck to the box. Natasha laughed and delved deeper,

There was a change of clothes

Do not come back in the same outfit I WILL KNOW

A bar of soap and a flannel

Do not come back unwashed I WILL KNOW

A packet of jelly babies

no hypoglaecemic rages please

A file

Yeah you actually need this – make sure you read it I WILL KNOW

A roll of gaffer tape

For Clint

Which she immediately made use of as he made muffled and disgruntled noises

Natasha opened the packet of jelly babies, ignoring Clint’s whines like an abandoned puppy, leant back in her seat and flicked open the file. 

Shit. Her finger screeched along the edge and she drew it away stained with red, 

‘aw crap’ she muttered, delving into her bag for something to stem the flow with. 

She pulled out a first aid kit and opened it to get a plaster, as she did a post-it fell out. Natasha picked it up off the ground and read it

I thought I told you not to die. Idiot.


	4. numero cuatro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NO MORE CATS ROMANOFF

No more cats romanoff

‘Likho’ Called Nat tentatively, shaking a bowl of the cat’s food as she crept around the apartment

‘Likho come ouuutttt’ 

She became suddenly aware of a pair over combat-boot-and-sensible-suit-trouser-clad feet standing in front of her. She looked up, seeing the terrifying woman towering over her. 

‘Kroshka’ hill said in an accusatory voice

‘did you lose the cat. ‘ she raised an eyebrow, her arms crossed, and smirked a little at her wife’s averted gaze

‘you’re using the wrong treats she likes the other ones’ sighed hill, snatching the bowl away and emptying it, refilling it with almost identical pellets from a different tub

‘come one. Likho come heerreee’ they heard a faint mewing

‘maybe she got herself stuck in the cupboard’ asked romanoff. They headed gingerly to the cupboard and opened the door. Hill let out an exasperated sigh as, simultaneously, Romanoff shrieked with delight; Likho sat looking mildly confused in the corner of the cupboard, as seven tiny balls of soggy fluff tumbled over her. 

Romanoff turned pleading eyes on Hill, who without looking at her said;

‘no’

‘but I didn’t even’

‘NO. MORE. CATS. ROMANOFF’.


End file.
